I Am Healed!!

If you are reading this blog or are a follower it is either because you love me, {{{thank you}}} and/or you are experiencing similar health issues.

I am not sure which direction this blog will take as I am sharing with you that I am HEALED!! The journey has been long and very hard, as many of you have experienced too. I don't think the journey is over yet, so perhaps the walk out of this healing is what I will be sharing.

Obviously, the work the Lord does in our lives is so multi-faceted and very personal. I say this because it is so hard to put it all into words. And, I know He has a unique plan for each of our lives. But, I do know, if you are a child of God, then wholeness is available for you.

I have heard, sat under and read so much on Divine Healing. I don't know if all of that is irrelevant or just were stepping stones to get to where I am now. When I first was told about this book I totally, and I mean totally blew the idea off. Like I said, I have read so much and I have countless books on healing lining my shelves.

I finally gave it a chance and ordered it. When I opened it up and began reading about the spiritual connection to upwards of 80 percent of all diseases, I was drawn in. When I began to read about my symptoms and the spiritual roots behind them, the light bulb went on and has only grown brighter!! All the puzzle pieces began to come together. So much finally made sense! God was giving me great wisdom and understanding.

We immediately set about getting me to Be In Health in Thomaston, GA. We could not pull it together due to care for all the children. I was crushed. We then decided to do the online program, For My Life and it was awesome! BTW, that turned out to be so much better, as the children were able to follow along and many were healed and set free also!! After reading A More Excellent Way and sitting under more than 32 hours of teaching, being prayed for and delivered, I can say that I am healed! I am slowly seeing my health come back. One little thing that happened today that was so cool was that my pulse was 70!! This is huge, even though it is small in the big scheme of things. Normally my pulse hovers around a very low 48, but today, 70! More than once, too!

I describe it to my husband this way. Imagine being all tied up, gagged and your head wrapped up so you could barely breathe. So, you can't move and are so bound. Now, imagine Someone comes along unties all the ropes, picks you up, removes the wrappings around your head. You can move unhindered, you can breathe! Imagine what that scenario would really feel like.

That is what it feels like to me!! I want to just scream sometimes, I feel so happy, so ME! I want to run outside and do some cartwheels. My strength is coming back. My eyes have been opened to the Truth! I have been set free from so many of the lies and thoughts that made me sick in the first place.

Please, trust me. Trust my heart. Trust what I have been through. Please pray and ask your Father, Who loves you so much, if you should get this book. It is only $16.49 on Amazon and you can get free shipping if you order $25 or more. I promise you, I really think you will not be sorry!! What could it hurt? Haven't you already spent hundreds, maybe thousands of dollars on trying to get well? What is $16 more?

Please email me or even let me know if you have questions and would like to talk on the phone. I would call you anytime.

I hope to share more of what the Truth has done to set this Mama and her whole family free!

Whom the Son sets free, shall be free indeed!

And

You will know the Truth and the Truth will set your free!!

Snapshots of Adrenal Fatigue

Snapshots of Adrenal Fatigue

I have been asked, 'what does adrenal fatigue feel like'. I have a dear friend who always asks what does it look like, how does it feel. She so sweetly wants to understand.

I wanted to share "snapshots" of adrenal fatigue and how it affects me and my family. From what I have read from other people who struggle with a chronic illness, certainly some of these things overlap. Maybe the following will help you understand what somebody in your life might feel.

*I never know just how much energy I will have on any given day. One day I might actually get to do many normal household or parenting things and the next have no energy for anything. I simply cannot plan my days out.


*My heart often aches as I see others, namely my husband, bearing the burdens that I am meant to bear, or having to do all the things I used to be able to do with ease.



*Everywhere I turn, there is a constant reminder of what I am not doing or what I used to do. It can be as simple as a dirty sink or as big as teaching my children school. I will see Brian doing school with the children in the evening, and while I am so thankful he does it, it is one more reminder of what I am not doing.


*Often times I cannot pull the words from the deep recesses of my mind. It is like trying to call one of your children, but calling them the wrong name, only much worse. If you do this, you know how frustrating it can be. I do this several times a day. It takes a tremendous amount of energy just to get the word out of my mouth, only to have it be the wrong word. Thank God my children know me so well, they stop me as they see my frustration and almost always know what I am trying to say.


*All day long I feel like I am barely keeping my head above water emotionally and spiritually. As the day goes on it feels like I am hit wave after wave with emotions. It's like I barely get my feet under me and another wave rolls over me, knocking me down. I'll see my baby, knowing I can't handle training him or playing with him outside . . . or I'll see my grandson, knowing I want to see him more often, but don't have the energy to do so . . . Brian struggling to work, provide, be daddy and mommy . . . seeing the children long to talk to me, but me unable to listen . . .



*I can barely, on a good day, think more than one thing at a time. This, from the queen of multitasking. The frustration of trying to cook a meal, which I used to do without even thinking, now takes great mental focus, and then to have a child walk into the room and want to tell me something! It puts me right over the edge.



*There are days that the exhaustion is so heavy that I almost ache with tiredness. Walking to the bathroom sometimes feels like to far a trip. It feels like I am trying to walk through neck deep mud.

*Most days, it is a constant (non-stop) battle fighting discouragement. The thoughts bombard me one right after the other. This alone can wear me out. I admit, I often just give into the discouragement because I just can't fight it anymore for that moment.




*Self-pity tries to pull me down daily. It is like a vicious attack. It is like I know I am so blessed and have it so much easier or better than someone else, but you still feel miserable. Then, to add insult to injury, I feel such condemnation because I do have it so good, I am not dying of cancer or have lost a husband or . . . 'what is my problem?' I hear in my head.



*I feel so 'lost'. There seems to be no real purpose to my days. I think this one is so hard because so much of who I am is wrapped up in what I do. I am a mama, home school teacher, wife, manager of this home, yet now I can't do all those things. It really shakes me at times as I learn my identity and value is not in what I do.



*No matter how hard I try to plan something out or hope to do something, it usually doesn't happen. So, I give up trying to figure it out, go with the flow, ect., but I just feel so lost. I have no idea what I will be able to handle, or when I might 'crash'. I try to be optimistic, but then I get devastated when I crash.

*One fear I have to battle is that of something really big happening. My body can barely handle the everyday stresses. The thought of something big like, a death, an accident, a major illness, something traumatic happening to someone close to me, strikes fear in me. I see how my body responds to a child screaming, a door slamming, I cannot fathom something big happening. (nor should I, I know ;-)


These are just some of the things that come to my mind as I share little snapshots into my world of adrenal fatigue. I suspect many of you can so totally relate to many of these. For those of you who are healthy and maybe know someone struggling with a physical illness, I pray this gives you some insight that might help you.


One more thing that is so hard. When you see me looking 'normal', make up on and smiling, this does NOT mean everything is all better and I am fine now. It might just be that moment, or I am faking it pretty well, or I will most definitely 'pay' for the energy you are seeing right now, but be assured, everything is not all better.

This is not meant in anyway to come off as complaining. I know we all have sometimes huge struggles we go through. It is just life. God is still beyond good and faithful. I am so richly blessed by being His daughter and I really do have the most amazing life! Hear my heart.

Huge Crash! Update

Whew!!! Has this been a rough go of it! This particular 'crash' was as bad as it was in the beginning. This whole week the children have been at my Mom's or my friend's house. Praise the Lord! Brian was willing to take the week off if need be, but the Lord provided. It only adds to the stress for me if they are not well taken care of and well loved while I am sick.

The exhaustion was extreme! One of the days I could nothing but lie in bed and dose in and out. The other days I played around on the computer or watched some TV. Funny, I have always dreamed of having the house to myself, not quite what I had in mind. Oh, the things I would accomplish! Not so much this week. Brian reminded me that RESTING is indeed doing something! To stop feeling like I am doing nothing. I am giving my body a rest!

My most recent blood work came back today and it was sort of encouraging, I guess. I am still a little confused as to what it all means, but it does verify and validify some things and for that I am thankful. So much went on in the appointment that was in the middle of the afternoon (not my best time ;-) and I was so out of it. Brian tried to keep up, but some of it just goes over his head. I wish we had tape recorded so I could listen over and over.

My progesterone level is still way too low and I am increasing what I am taking.

I do have Epstein Barr. My doctor suspected that I am fighting something that is flying under the radar, as no matter what we do I can't seem to get on top of it. If all we were dealing with here was low functioning adrenals and thyroid and low progesterone levels I should be feeling somewhat better and not be crashing so severely for no apparent reason.

I also had a TPO test which tells you if you thyroid is attacking itself. I was so sure this would be normal (as I was sure I didn't have Epstein Barr, goes to show what I know) but it was 33 and the high end of the normal range is 34. So, we are not sure what this means, but it is interesting and will watch it.

I am also having all kinds of 'gut' issues and when I reminded him that this all started last July with some big tummy troubles a light bulb went off over him! I think, he thinks, I am riding some wave of infection that is putting a huge drain on my already exhausted glandular system. He said it is like trying to fill up the bathtub while the drain is open.

My blood work does NOT indicate any real food sensitivities or parasites, but it does show a compromised immune system. He gave me some really strong probiotics and is going to do things to support my immune system. He did tell me to be prepared for some pretty awful feeling from the possible 'die off' in my gut. I said, "define awful, because I can't imagine feeling much worse." He laughed and said I would know.

When I went haywire last week he told Brian to increase my adrenal supplement from 1 (one) a day to 3 (three) in the morning and 3(three) more at noon. As the week progressed I think that helped. This was a huge jump and goes to show how drained and not functioning they are.

On the spiritual side:
On Monday I was very discouraged and still holding on so tightly to healing. Trying to figure it out! Wrestling with God, Brian and my doctor, mostly in mind! ;-) The Lord so ministered to me that day through His word. I have had lots of time for 'quiet time' with Him, which has been wonderful! I believe He showed me once again how NOT surrendered and NOT trusting Him I was in this situation. He has shown me over and over. I think I get it only to be right back there again. I feel like He gives me some great revelation and I walk in it for awhile, then it is tested and I lose it all over again.

Something seems different this time. It feels like supernatural peace. I told Him that I couldn't release it, that I was afraid that if I didn't at least do my part and try to figure this out I might stay sick forever. I told Him I needed His grace, I couldn't do it anymore, I didn't know how to release it, I would need Him to do it for me. When I confessed that I realized how I was not trusting in Him but myself to make sure everything was taken care, something just released inside. I don't know if I am explaining it well, but it was huge!

I felt such peace at the doctors this Friday, so in God's hands, so not needing to figure everything out, so restful. That is probably why for the first time I don't really remember everything that went on, I was so in my Father's hands. The really cool thing?? The whole 'root' if you will, of all that is wrong with me is 'stress, anxiety and fear' based. Funny, huh?

He is bringing about healing and deliverance, I know He is! It is so much more than just a physical thing. As badly as I want to be healthy, I don't want to be physically healthy but spiritually sick. Do you know what I mean? I don't want all we have been through in the last nine months to be for nothing. I want to receive all He has for me spiritually too.

Update 3/31/10

I have had some pretty big crashes, BUT my hope is that they were simply PMS related versus being another adrenal crash! The week leading up to my period was very bad, emotional and I was physically exhausted like in the past.

It is like you can feel the energy just drain from every muscle! I also bled through day 4 which I think is an improvement. I have read several places that one of the idiosyncrasies with adrenal fatigue is that your flow completely stops on day 4. Weird, hug? Well mine always stopped on day 4. Not this time!

I started to feel better by Sunday, we actually had people over, which we haven't in more than 9 months, and I was fine. But, on Monday I completely collapsed, emotionally and physically. I don't know if I would have anyway or having company over was too much or it was a deviation in my diet??? Seems you can never tell with me.

I have been feeling like the Lord is leading me to 'amp' up my diet. Meaning be more intentional. I am thinking to add in liver (pray for me ;-) being even more strict with not even eating dried fruits, eating more beef, cooked long and slow and in some cases as rare as I can eat it. Also increasing raw veggies, which I do a lot of already. I am going to juice as well as green smoothies.

Actually, I have been juicing and love this combo, it is almost addicting!

A friend led me to this great and helpful blog called, Annie's Health Place. Hope it is helpful to you!

Kale or Spinach
Romaine
lemons
apple

So yummy! I drink about 16 oz a day. I don't seem to have room in my belly for all the good things I want to put in it. Since doing the juice thing I think I am craving more raw foods and cooked foods sort of gross me out. This happened when I first introduced green smoothies too.

I am walking 30 minutes every day, slowly, per my doctors instructions. I don't like the slowly part. I like to really hit it, really give it my all, push myself . . .hmmmm, maybe that's why I have adrenal fatigue ;-)

Update 3/20/10

Wow! It has been a long time since I have updated. I have been slowly getting better, but it was very rough again for awhile there.

I have been on the progesterone for about three weeks and I 'think' I am finally feeling the results. The emotions became more controllable. I became stronger and stronger each day. I have been back to working out slowly. And this week I was able to do the whole workout and actually felt strong like I used to. Well, not quite as strong, but so much better than I have been!

I have had some 'paradoxical' reactions to the progesterone that we now believe were caused from starting at to high of a dose. I began to retain fluids, my weight went up 3-5 pounds, which freaked me out, I was anxious and 'racy' and slept horribly! I finally read that those are paradoxical symptoms and that has brought some peace. The 'cure' is to just back off a little on the progesterone and slowly increase it.

As of right now we are not going to address my thyroid, any more than supplements, or my adrenals until we see how I do with the progesterone. I really think that once those levels come up my cortisol and thyroid numbers will come up too. I am hoping, anyway ;-)

I found this article called the Adrenal Fatigue Fix and thought it was helpful. I was happy to see that I am doing everything right with 'diet'.

I hope and pray you all are doing well and finding your way with your health struggles. I know it is so hard, but I also know that God has a plan that I need to learn and rest in. Praying you also find this rest.

Hope on the Horizon

I am still doing terribly, but I was encouraged by my doctor appt. this week. He went over my bloodwork and was very hopeful for a turn around with how I feel.

First, he said I was extremely healthy! Which is good I guess, but also frustrating because I feel so bad. But he meant, as a whole, I am healthy, just need some fine tuning. ;-)

My bloodwork showed very low levels of progesterone, low cortisol and my T3 and T4 are low. My testosterone is also low. It appears as though my FSH shows that I am in the early stages of perimenopause.

I have started progesterone cream and added a different thyroid supplement. We are going to see if this helps with the other things before we add something else in. Just what I love, taking it slowly ;-) If the progesterone doesn't help enough we will address possible hormone supplementation for my adrenals and some testosterone. I told him that I don't need any more hair on my chin or anymore anger issues. He laughed and said, ' don't worry, you will only have hair on your chest.' Cute.

He said that my poor pituitary and adrenal glands are struggling so hard to keep up and the progesterone might just provide the break they need. This made me cry, the thought of these very important glands trying so hard to do everything I need them to do but not having what they need to do it. I know, just a bit emotional. I guess I feel like I am struggling so hard just to keep up and the progesterone might just provide the support and break I need.

Still Not Great

I just read over my past posts to see when this recent downhill trend started. Around the first of February. So, going on three weeks.

This past week was probably the worst in the past three weeks. I needed the kids out of the house. Thank you to my dear friend Mary who had them all day Monday. Tuesday my son brought them to piano instead of piano teacher coming here. Wednesday I met my friend, Mary for coffee and a visit. I was exhausted and felt so lifeless. When I got home the children asked if I had a good time and all I could muster was, 'yes, I guess so.' I was immediately reminded of how 'dead' Christmas felt, so emotionless and passionless. Makes me sad, as I am a passionate, excited person, usually.

My dr. appt. was strange this week as he removed all of my B-vitamins from me because my body was testing so bad with them. He said my adrenals and pituitary need more support, but he only wants to adjust one thing at a time. Great, because I have all the time in the world to wait. Just kidding.

I had my blood work done and received my copy today in the mail. Very fast. Not much pops off the paper to me, then of course I am not a doctor, but I play one on TV. LOL My progesterone looks low and my cortisol looks low. My doctor is good at reading these as he sort of reads between the lines where as my medical doctor just looks at the numbers and prescribes anti-depressants and hormones! I can't wait to hear what my 'natural' doctor has to say. I really hope there is something we can do.

I am really discouraged, as I thought setbacks this big were behind me. So much of this feels like I did in Aug/Sept. though not quite as bad.

We shall see. God continues to speak volumes to me, giving me 'treasures in darkness' that I hope to one day be able to share with people. I wish I had the strength and time to type all He is showing me about my heart. Someday, Lord willing.