Sept. 20-26

The beginning of the week was okay, not great but I didn't have too many major crashes. We are trying to find ways to get the kids out or me out as I still cannot handle a normal days stress.

I am still exhausted and the depression and emotional aspect is very huge right now.

From Thursday on I was extremely emotional. Crying off and on all day, sometimes for no reason at all. I did 'spot' on Friday and it continues on mildly. I wonder if the extreme emotions are my due to my period possibly coming back. It stopped when I crashed, I believe it was part of my body shutting down. I have said that when it comes back I will feel like it is a sign of things getting better. I hope I am accurate on that.

My doctor gets back from a three week vacation on Monday, I have an appointment at 10:15. My mind wants to swim with things to tell him and things to 'make' him give me. I sense this is wrong and feel the Lord telling me to trust Him. To trust my care to God and He will order my and my doctors steps. This very hard for me. I want to feel better so badly. I am getting very weary.

I feel so lost, with life. I can't mother, hardly at all. I can't do much around the house. I am a mess for Brian at all times. I feel lost and alone even though Brian is so supportive and I have eight other bodies around me all day. I miss doing school, I miss being productive. I miss being me. I sometimes wonder if 'I' will ever come back. Even if we get this adrenal fatigue healing, will I now struggle with hormone issues, perimenopause ect. I do long to have another baby or babies, twin girls ;-)