Whew!!! Has this been a rough go of it! This particular 'crash' was as bad as it was in the beginning. This whole week the children have been at my Mom's or my friend's house. Praise the Lord! Brian was willing to take the week off if need be, but the Lord provided. It only adds to the stress for me if they are not well taken care of and well loved while I am sick.
The exhaustion was extreme! One of the days I could nothing but lie in bed and dose in and out. The other days I played around on the computer or watched some TV. Funny, I have always dreamed of having the house to myself, not quite what I had in mind. Oh, the things I would accomplish! Not so much this week. Brian reminded me that RESTING is indeed doing something! To stop feeling like I am doing nothing. I am giving my body a rest!
My most recent blood work came back today and it was sort of encouraging, I guess. I am still a little confused as to what it all means, but it does verify and validify some things and for that I am thankful. So much went on in the appointment that was in the middle of the afternoon (not my best time ;-) and I was so out of it. Brian tried to keep up, but some of it just goes over his head. I wish we had tape recorded so I could listen over and over.
My progesterone level is still way too low and I am increasing what I am taking.
I do have Epstein Barr. My doctor suspected that I am fighting something that is flying under the radar, as no matter what we do I can't seem to get on top of it. If all we were dealing with here was low functioning adrenals and thyroid and low progesterone levels I should be feeling somewhat better and not be crashing so severely for no apparent reason.
I also had a TPO test which tells you if you thyroid is attacking itself. I was so sure this would be normal (as I was sure I didn't have Epstein Barr, goes to show what I know) but it was 33 and the high end of the normal range is 34. So, we are not sure what this means, but it is interesting and will watch it.
I am also having all kinds of 'gut' issues and when I reminded him that this all started last July with some big tummy troubles a light bulb went off over him! I think, he thinks, I am riding some wave of infection that is putting a huge drain on my already exhausted glandular system. He said it is like trying to fill up the bathtub while the drain is open.
My blood work does NOT indicate any real food sensitivities or parasites, but it does show a compromised immune system. He gave me some really strong probiotics and is going to do things to support my immune system. He did tell me to be prepared for some pretty awful feeling from the possible 'die off' in my gut. I said, "define awful, because I can't imagine feeling much worse." He laughed and said I would know.
When I went haywire last week he told Brian to increase my adrenal supplement from 1 (one) a day to 3 (three) in the morning and 3(three) more at noon. As the week progressed I think that helped. This was a huge jump and goes to show how drained and not functioning they are.
On the spiritual side:
On Monday I was very discouraged and still holding on so tightly to healing. Trying to figure it out! Wrestling with God, Brian and my doctor, mostly in mind! ;-) The Lord so ministered to me that day through His word. I have had lots of time for 'quiet time' with Him, which has been wonderful! I believe He showed me once again how NOT surrendered and NOT trusting Him I was in this situation. He has shown me over and over. I think I get it only to be right back there again. I feel like He gives me some great revelation and I walk in it for awhile, then it is tested and I lose it all over again.
Something seems different this time. It feels like supernatural peace. I told Him that I couldn't release it, that I was afraid that if I didn't at least do my part and try to figure this out I might stay sick forever. I told Him I needed His grace, I couldn't do it anymore, I didn't know how to release it, I would need Him to do it for me. When I confessed that I realized how I was not trusting in Him but myself to make sure everything was taken care, something just released inside. I don't know if I am explaining it well, but it was huge!
I felt such peace at the doctors this Friday, so in God's hands, so not needing to figure everything out, so restful. That is probably why for the first time I don't really remember everything that went on, I was so in my Father's hands. The really cool thing?? The whole 'root' if you will, of all that is wrong with me is 'stress, anxiety and fear' based. Funny, huh?
He is bringing about healing and deliverance, I know He is! It is so much more than just a physical thing. As badly as I want to be healthy, I don't want to be physically healthy but spiritually sick. Do you know what I mean? I don't want all we have been through in the last nine months to be for nothing. I want to receive all He has for me spiritually too.