Sunday, December 27, 2009


Okay, I finally found a word that describes what it feels like, this adrenal fatigue. It is EMPTY. At least that is what it feels like right now ;-) (it can change often)

I am here, buy I don't feel like I am here.

I know I have much to be thankful and am, really, but it just feels so empty.

I am joyful, in a way, deep down, but it still feels empty.

Things that I LOVE, like the snow falling, a fire in the fireplace, my precious children, my awesome husband, well, while I still LOVE them, it just sort of feels empty.

I feel like I am just going through the motions. I miss FEELING things, besides sadness, heaviness and discouragement, that is.

I miss ME! I am usually joyful, vibrant, energetic, chipper, happy, bubbly, positive . . . I miss ME! I miss feeling like I was created.

I don't want to be complaining, really I am not! I am thankful for where I am at. I know it is by His hand and I praise Him for, I really, really do. It is just so hard sometimes. I don't like when I get like this. I like it when I just focus on the right now, which is usually too much, but still gives me something to focus on ;-)

So, for right now, EMPTY and missing ME, that is how I feel.

Lamentations 3:19-33

[O Lord] remember [earnestly] my affliction and my misery, my wandering and my outcast state, the wormwood and the gall.

My soul has them continually in remembrance and is bowed down within me.

But this I recall and therefore have I hope and expectation:

It is because of the Lord's mercy and loving-kindness that we are not consumed, because His [tender] compassions fail not.

They are new every morning; great and abundant is Your stability and faithfulness.

The Lord is my portion or share, says my living being (my inner self); therefore will I hope in Him and wait expectantly for Him.

The Lord is good to those who wait hopefully and expectantly for Him, to those who seek Him [inquire of and for Him and require Him by right of necessity and on the authority of God's word].

It is good that one should hope in and wait quietly for the salvation (the safety and ease) of the Lord.

It is good for a man that he should bear the yoke [of divine disciplinary dealings] in his youth.

Let him sit alone uncomplaining and keeping silent [in hope], because [God] has laid [the yoke] upon him [for his benefit].

Let him put his mouth in the dust [in abject recognition of his unworthiness]--there may yet be hope.

Let him give his cheek to the One Who smites him [even through His human agents]; let him be filled [full] with [men's] reproach [in meekness].

For the Lord will not cast off forever!

But though He causes grief, yet will He be moved to compassion according to the multitude of His loving-kindness and tender mercy.

For He does not willingly and from His heart afflict or grieve the children of men.

Looking forward to new mercies tomorrow! ;-)

Christmas With Adrenal Fatigue

This past Christmas was a little different than most years. I cut way back on what "needed" do be done. Truth be told, though, as a Mama, there is still a lot I am responsible for, especially during the holidays!

I was caught off guard a little. Because I have been feeling a little better, I think I just thought I could go about business as usual (even with a reduction in the 'things to do' list) I was wrong. Also, the week before Christmas I ran out of L-Tryptophan, one of the supplements that I take. I stubbornly refused to buy more because I am getting weary of needing so many supplements and the cost is bugging me. On top of that, at what point do I just totally rely on Christ as my healer and strength! Notice, it wasn't a "Spirit-led" decision to stop the supplements?

Each night I would tell Brian something doesn't feel right. I felt like I was 'slipping' somehow. It wasn't until I totally crashed emotionally one night that he realized it had been a week without the tryptophan. We did go out the next day and buy some. ;-) When I told my doctor, he said, "when you need tryptophan, you need it." So next time I shouldn't be so foolish and rash.

It is hard to explain how the holidays felt with adrenal fatigue, but I will try. I have excitement and joy inside, though not as much as usual, but it just doesn't seem to come out. I don't have the energy to muster up excitement. It was like watching the holidays happen through a foggy lens. I was thankful and realized how unbelievably blessed we are, but it just sort of feels 'muted' or stifled somehow.

I wanted to be excited and joyful for the children's sake. They were so excited. They love to give more than receive. I just sort of felt like a bump on the log some of the time.

Brian and the children did SO much of what needed to be done. I am so thankful. Even with doing way less and them doing so much, it was still too much. How is this????

It was a special time, just a subdued special time. Does that make sense?

BTW, the tryptophan has seemed to 'right the ship' some. I take 1- 500 mg in the morning and 2- 500 mg before bed. I don't think tryptophan is the cure all, but it has helped some. I still marvel at the exhaustion at times.

Oh, and I realized that I was doing WAY too much for exercise and have since cut back again. It is hard not to get into the let's lose inches/pounds mode and stay in healing and restoring mode. Exercise is extremely beneficial to adrenal fatigue, but it needs to be moderate. Probably something most adrenal fatigue people know little about, moderation that is. ;-) I do believe part of me feeling somewhat better the past 3-4 weeks is directly related to exercising again. T-Tapp is my exercise of choice. It is amazing!!!!!

Thursday, December 10, 2009

December 10, 2009 Update

Wow! It has been a long time! Many are asking, so I thought I would update.

First of all, let me say that I have never been more in love with Christ as I have these past few months. I thought I loved Him passionately and knew Him well. My love for Him has only grown deeper. He has carried me, loved me, spoken to me, lovingly chastised me, let me beat my fists on His breast, held me while I cried (a lot!)

I have this sense that I have so much to learn, but have also learned so much. I have been humbled and awed by this time of affliction. I am in awe of Him and His mercy. I am in awe of the depth of my depravity apart from His grace (which I am glad is not my burden to bear ;-) I am receiving a deeper lesson into His grace, who I am in Him, but even more of Whom it is that is IN ME!

Oh, I love Him so . . .

More love to Thee, O Christ, more love to Thee!
Hear Thou the prayer I make on bended knee.
This is my earnest plea: More love, O Christ, to Thee;
More love to Thee, more love to Thee!

Once earthly joy I craved, sought peace and rest;
Now Thee alone I seek, give what is best.
This all my prayer shall be: More love, O Christ to Thee;
More love to Thee, more love to Thee!

Let sorrow do its work, come grief or pain;
Sweet are Thy messengers, sweet their refrain,
When they can sing with me: More love, O Christ, to Thee;
More love to Thee, more love to Thee!

Then shall my latest breath whisper Thy praise;
This be the parting cry my heart shall raise;
This still its prayer shall be: More love, O Christ to Thee;
More love to Thee, more love to Thee!

Okay, now the physical ;-)

I am doing better, especially when you compare to where I was. It is hard to see when you look at the day-to-day, but when you look at the big picture, it looks way better. I am stronger, have more stamina, cry way, way less, am slightly more rational (some may question that one). I have been making almost all of our dinners, and most lunches. The ability to think and figure things out like the old me is slowly coming back, but very slowly. It doesn't take much to overwhelm me if I have to figure something out. Brian still does most of thinking around here, which is probably good! I was even able to add in our morning devotion circle time this week. I have been exercising again since November first. Sometime I am going to have to tell you how much T-Tapp has done for me since February, but not now. It is slow going, and I need to continually remind myself that I am working at restoring and rebuilding not going all out like a crazy woman, like in the past!

I listen to my body more and am much more gentle with myself.

I am still on the same supplements, nothing more except some pituitary support has been needed, which is a blessing. I am praying about slowly backing off of my doctor appointments as the Lord has been revisiting Divine Healing with me and relying on Him for my health. I will do so prayerfully and only as I feel led of the Spirit. One thought that sticks in my 'craw' is that we have had to 100 percent go into debt to pay for my medical care this year as none of the appointments or supplements are covered by the excellent insurance we pay an arm and a leg for ;-) If seeking medical help is from God, wouldn't He supply for it?? Or, maybe the banks generosity in loaning us money is His provision, something sounds fishy about that one. (Not looking for answers on this, I know God will lead and provide, just thinking out loud) I also know that I was so bad and was not led in any other way, so I am not fretting over this, again, just thinking.

Oh, and I have noticed that I am happier! This is huge, because I really am a happy, thankful person, it just hasn't showed much the last five months. Oh, my, it is one week short of FIVE months that this has been going on. No wonder it seems so wearisome. A couple of days this week I almost felt 'hyper' on the inside, in a good way. I think it was just a sense of well being that I have not had in a long time. I still crash, though not as hard or as frequently. I am still not sleeping well and have totally given that up to God, only He can make it happen as far as I am concerned. I have tried everything I know.

I have lost most of the extra weight that came on fiercely in the past six weeks. My doctor attributes that to my pituitary and thyroid 'tanking'. The weight shouldn't have been that big of a deal, but the Lord did indeed use it to bring up some serious issues in my mind and heart that needed to be dealt with and healed. Man, am I a work in process or what? I know, I know, we all are.

I am telling you, this was/is a huge thing He has brought (is bringing) me through. I marvel at how much is being dealt with. Obviously, He is not about wasting anything! ;-)

So, that sums it up, I think. If any of you who are struggling with adrenal issues I would be glad to answer specific questions. I can only share my experience, I am not expert. Please feel free to contact me, I have the utmost of compassion for your struggles, trust me ;-)

I cannot thank you enough for all your prayers and support! I am overwhelmed with the love from the Body of Christ. Thank you, thank you, thank you! If I could, I would hug you all and give you a fresh baked loaf of bread that I was allowed to bake today!! Really, I would!

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Update 10/27/09

I went to the doctor yesterday and was a little discouraged that my adrenals have seemingly taken a step backwards. I am thankful that the 'symptoms' aren't any worse, but my body is definitely not handling things well.

Also, some spiritual things came up. He was taking my blood pressure in hopes to find out something about my inability to sleep well and it just kept going lower and lower. He was waiting for it to bottom out. A certain topic (that I will certainly share as the Lord reveals more to me) came up and while I was laying there my blood pressure went way up! I did not 'feel' upset, but my body was responding in a negative way. Once again confirming that even when we don't 'feel' stress our body is still be stressed out! He pointed out that there is something to deal with there. I am anxious to see what it is.

He has me not taking naps, which is not good for someone with adrenal fatigue, because SLEEP is what you need for your body to heal. I am not sleeping well at night still and he hopes to MAKE my body sleep by not letting it sleep during the day.

It is not working, yet. I am sleeping worse at night and am actually having some type of anxiety symptoms as I am trying to sleep. Not ones that I think in my head, but my heart races a bit. These I think are once again "paradoxical reactions" like I experienced early in this illness. My body desperately needs rest, but responds the exact opposite way! I have taken a few short naps as I am exhausted.

I continue to marvel at the spiritual aspect of this, and most of that I share on my other blog, She Looketh Well.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Update 10/20/09

I went to the doctor this week and he was very pleased with the way my body is responding to the supplements that are treating my adrenal fatigue. He gave me great hope that, yes indeed I am on my way to healing. He encouraged me not to change my activity too much, but that he had hope for a full recovery. (Which makes me wonder just how concerned he was)
I have felt significantly better in the last week or so. I can have three or four good days before a major crash, which is a great improvement. The challenge is still knowing just how much my body can take.
Last week I walked five days out of seven. The first two were 15 minute walks, and the last three were 30 minute walks! This is all after doing nothing, and I mean nothing, in the form of exercise, or even moving further than from the couch to the bed to the bathroom. ;-) Great improvement, I think!
The severe hypoglycemia has become much easier to manage, I suspect due to the miscarriage. One thing that was a struggle was a 5-7 pound weight gain (this after losing a lot of weight this past year) I was so relieved to find out that, more than likely, most of it was from carrying a precious baby! The best reason for weight gain, right?
My emotions are still across the board, varying daily. Depression is still a factor some days. My family conUtinues to take great care of me! God continues to carry me, speak to me daily, listens as I cry my heart out and then gently puts me on the right path again. I still struggle with this forced rest, but am learning so much and so thankful for all God is doing in all of us.
From the beginning, I have been uncomfortable sharing too much about my health, as I feel the Lord's purpose for this blog is to encourage my daughters and women to 'look well to the ways of their households' so I put a link on the sidebar to the blog I started to track my journey to healing from this adrenal fatigue. (I had read it is wise to document the progress as it is a long, up and down journey.) I don't update it as frequently as I should, and most of what I have already shared on this blog is on that one. I know some of you are really praying for me and are interested, for which I am so thankful. When I update that blog, I will put the date in the sidebar that I did so.
Obviously, I will continue to share what the Lord is showing me, I just don't want to 'bog' this blog down with all the health details. Make sense?

Friday, October 16, 2009

Update 10/16/09

It has been a long time since I updated and a lot has happened. The first week in October was a horrible week as far as the depression goes. Brian was very concerned and very weary. He called my friend and mom for prayer and was having a hard time holding back the tears. I think my hormones were all over the place as we now know that my baby probably died that week. Here is the post about our miscarriage.

Sad News . . .
Last Thursday (10/8/09), in about a 2 1/2 hour time frame, we found out that I was 10-12 weeks pregnant, that the baby had died, and I delivered him/her. It was quite shocking to us and we were, and are at times stunned.

I was spotting off and on for about a week and a half, which we thought was my cycle starting up again, as they had stopped in the middle of this adrenal exhaustion, or so we thought. I did take a pregnancy test in August, which was negative. According to how far along I was, it should have been positive. (I have never had a false negative pregnancy test, and I have taken a ton ;-)
Thursday morning I was on my way to the grocery store when I had a strong urge to go to the bathroom. (We also thought I had been dealing with a bladder infection during this time) I went and was still uncomfortable, but proceeded with what I needed to get. About 4 aisles over, the pain, which felt like my bladder, got pretty bad and I thought I should probably go home. At that time, I felt a huge pop and preceded to bleed everywhere. For some reason I thought maybe I passed a kidney stone, which I supposedly have. I made a beeline for the back bathroom, leaving a trail behind me. Not one of the more glorious moments of being a woman. ;-)
I was able to have cellphone reception, (which is usually sketchy, at best, in this store) and called my dear husband. He came and bought me pads and underwear. Thank God I had a skirt on, pants would have been a nightmare. We left the store after several trips back to the bathroom, as I was bleeding profusely.
On the way home, it hit me that the 'pop' I felt was just like what I felt with my 7th child, the only other one with whom my water broke. And then I realized that the 'blood trail' looked watered down. The shock of realizing that I must have been pregnant was, well, shocking.
We got home and because the bleeding was so bad, we called my midwife, who instructed us to come in and she would check me and run some tests. When we got there, she examined me and found that the baby had already started to deliver, she just helped it along. She cried with us. She has been such a big part of the birth of our last five baby's births.

After some blood work, we went home to rest. As I lie there trying to rest with my mind swirling with prayers and questions, one thing welled up in my heart so big. I believe this baby was a gift from God. I also believe He gave me the gift of joy that afternoon. You see, I realized that each and every pregnancy in the past was greatly rejoiced over and I was determined, by His grace, that this was not going to be any different! I chose right then and there to rejoice over this precious little one, even though this baby had died. I rejoiced in the fact that God chose me to carry this little one, if only for a short time. I believe this joy was a gift from Him, there is no way a women in my condition physically and emotionally could do that in her own strength, trust me. He is so amazing and kind to give joy to a confused and grieving mama. I guess you can truly say that He has 'made me a joyful mother of children'. I am humbled and marvel at His love for me.
Even now as I type this out it seems so unbelievable to me. How does a woman who has been pregnant 14 times previous to this not know she was pregnant? The negative pregnancy test and the extreme extenuating health circumstances played a huge part, I know. We also believe, for some reason, I was not meant to know about this until that day. Where we don't understand, we can only trust.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Update Doctor Appt. 9/27/09

Health Update
I went to the doctor today for the first time in three weeks. (He was out of the country) He said there is improvement enough in my adrenals to lesson the supplement for them. My thyroid is now coming to the forefront and he is addressing that with adding iodine back in. He hopes, as do I, that the iodine will make enough of a difference to see improvement, and it should happen within a week! I like that.

It is so neat to see how God designed our bodies and how my doctor recognizes that and acts accordingly instead of just a standard protocol. For the first weeks he spent each appointment adjusting my supplements to get my adrenals 'out of the basement' as he said. It was obvious that my pituitary was a player, but my body would not 'show' it. So he only addressed what my body was calling for. After a few weeks on that treatment my body started to 'show' pituitary, so we addressed that.Thyroid is also a player in adrenal fatigue, but up until today it has not been to the forefront. It was so neat to see how my body is directing the order of treatment. It knows what I need most and what should be addressed first. I know this probably doesn't make sense to someone who is unfamiliar with natural medicine, but trust me, it is real.

I struggle with wanting my doctor to move faster. I sometimes fell like he moves so slowly, but I know the Lord has put me in his hands, and there have been a couple of instances that if he had moved at my speed it would have been very detrimental to my health. I am so glad we have God to order our steps and give wisdom where needed.

Adrenal fatigue is very complex with many systems involved. It's not as simple as take something for your adrenals and you're better. There is something called the adrenal/pituitary/thyroid axis. Our bodies are so fearfully and wonderfully made. There is also the ovarian/thyroid/adrenal axis. All of these rely on each other to do their thing. At my worst, many systems were shutting down. One of which was the ovarian part of the axis, my cycles stopped. I have said for weeks that I would be encouraged if my period came back, because at least that meant something was getting better. Well, this weekend I started my period, well, sort of, it is starting slowly and with much pain (which is unusual for me) but at least it is trying to start. Sorry if this is TMI! I am choosing to believe it is a sign of healing, even if I don't feel better yet.

It is my understanding that much healing needs to go on inside the body before you actually 'feel' it. This is what I am believing is happening. Just seriously looking forward to 'feeling' it!

A dear sister has been in contact with me and had asked for some links that I thought I had provided. I am including them in here because there are others out there who need to know about this and maybe you can direct them. I am amazed at how many people have told me that what I am experiencing is what they have experienced and they didn't know it had a name until they read this blog.

Here is the link to an awesome website by a Dr. Lam. You could spend hours, literally, reading all he has to say on adrenal fatigue as well as many other health issues. In all my reading, this is probably the most informative.

Adrenal Fatigue: The 21st Century Stress Syndrome is the best book I have read on the subject

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Diet Issues

I am not doing well with keeping grains and dairy completely out of my diet. I do try to most days not have any grains. The ones I do have are mostly organic tortilla chips, a vehicle to get the guacamole I am craving in me. I might have a nibble here or there of some grain that the kids are having, but for the most part I do not.

Oh, there is Saturday night popcorn, which my doctor feels is the anti-Christ, I am quite sure. But I think I am okay with it right now.

I am having a hard time keeping up with my blood sugar. Nothing sounds good so I wait to eat, then I am crashing from blood sugar drops and the cycle continues on all day. I feel like I am chasing my blood sugar.

A normal day:

3-4 scrambled eggs
tomatoes or an apple

1/2 apple with cashew/almond butter

chicken or fish with salad or veggie

glass of kombucha and some nuts or apple/nut butter

Some sort of meat and a veggie

Sept. 20-26

The beginning of the week was okay, not great but I didn't have too many major crashes. We are trying to find ways to get the kids out or me out as I still cannot handle a normal days stress.

I am still exhausted and the depression and emotional aspect is very huge right now.

From Thursday on I was extremely emotional. Crying off and on all day, sometimes for no reason at all. I did 'spot' on Friday and it continues on mildly. I wonder if the extreme emotions are my due to my period possibly coming back. It stopped when I crashed, I believe it was part of my body shutting down. I have said that when it comes back I will feel like it is a sign of things getting better. I hope I am accurate on that.

My doctor gets back from a three week vacation on Monday, I have an appointment at 10:15. My mind wants to swim with things to tell him and things to 'make' him give me. I sense this is wrong and feel the Lord telling me to trust Him. To trust my care to God and He will order my and my doctors steps. This very hard for me. I want to feel better so badly. I am getting very weary.

I feel so lost, with life. I can't mother, hardly at all. I can't do much around the house. I am a mess for Brian at all times. I feel lost and alone even though Brian is so supportive and I have eight other bodies around me all day. I miss doing school, I miss being productive. I miss being me. I sometimes wonder if 'I' will ever come back. Even if we get this adrenal fatigue healing, will I now struggle with hormone issues, perimenopause ect. I do long to have another baby or babies, twin girls ;-)

Sept. 13-19

I was very excited to have two good days of no crying, Sunday and Monday. But then I came crashing down on Tuesday. It was a horrible day, emotionally. The week was about the same, full of ups and downs.

Saturday, I woke up feeling somewhat better than I have and was able to do some organizing and cleaning with the rest of the gang. At 11:00 am we were about to head downstairs, I stopped as I felt something not right inside of me, dear husband noticed and said when we get downstairs you are going to SIT!

Well, we went downstairs and within minutes I hit a wall! I mean slammed right into it, not literally, mind you. It is the weirdest feeling. Nothing in me was able to push through and immediately the tears start. I am not sure if the tears are part of the physical exhaustion or the reality that I can't do what I want to do. Probably both.

My dear husband says, 'this is enough, we should have saw this coming, off to bed for you!' He tucked me in and I slept soundly for about two hours.

Pretty discouraged that I am not seeing any improvement.

Monday, September 14, 2009

Sept. 6-12, 2009

This started out to be a good week, continuing on with the upswing of last week, but then our water went out and the kids got sick and the baby was miserable.

Apparently, even though I tried to stay detached and remain calm all these things really affected my body. I had 3-4 really bad days as far as anxiety went. I even resorted to a xanax.

I am encouraged though by what the Lord is doing through all of this.

At the beginning of the week I was meditating on the mind/body connection to all of this. How we are stressed without even knowing it, often times. In one of my devotional times I felt the Lord led me through one scripture after another about the mind/body connection. I laughed as I thought about how science thinks they came up with this, but God wrote about it years and years ago!

August 30 - Sept. 5, 2009

Things started to turn around this week. I can tell I am feeling better. I am still very sick, and will be for a long time, but I can tell I am getting better.

What is hard about this stage is that when you crash, you really feel it because you actually felt pretty good before you crash. Unlike a couple of weeks ago you just felt awful and there were so many crashes that they didn't seem that big of a deal.

Dr. Lietz is gone for three weeks now and has me set to just sort of coast while he is gone. He doesn't want to change much of anything so as to not push me too hard.

3 Gammonal forte
1 Bio B3G every hour (not really happening, just when I remember)

Friday, August 28, 2009

Friday, August 28, 2009

This week has been up and down. Last night was really bad. Little stress caused me to have an anxiety attack. It is so strange because you cannot control what your body does and how it reacts to stress.

It is that I have no reserves to handle stress and my body reacts to it, somehow bypassing my mind.

On Wednesday, I was encouraged by my Dr. appt. He confirmed that, yes, I did have adrenal exhaustion. I was also encouraged as he said he was taking is slowly as to not overwhelm my adrenals with supplements which is exactly what I read about.

My B vitamins are completely depleted. He has me on two different kinds every waking hour.

He kept my adrenal supplements the same, like I said to address them slowly.

Preparation phase. This phase normally lasts 2-6 weeks. During this time, the body normally does not feel any significant difference even though nutrients have been administered. One continues to feel fatigue. This is the phase where the body builds its lost reserve and internally gets stronger. It is not infrequent to feel even feel worse from time to time. Paradoxical reactions may arise during this time and adjustments of nutrients may be needed. It may involve increasing or decreasing the dose, depending on the body type and sensitivity level. Strategies that do not allow the body to go through this important preparation stage often fail over time, as the body simply does not have the reserve it normally needs to cushion itself against stressful time. Small dips within the recovery cycle will then occur. It is like forcing an athlete to run a sprint without adequate warm up. (Dr.

Still not sleeping well, I have an appt. today and hope to get that addressed.

Monday, August 24, 2009

Monday, August 24, 2009

Sunday night was probably the worst I have slept in weeks. It was what has been normal for me for the past several years, but lately I have been better. I was up every 2-3 hours.

I woke up feeling a little better this morning. I did T-Tapp More workout, which felt great.

I ate eggs and oatmeal for breakfast and played with my baby for an hour on the floor.

I got very tired and took a nap around 10:30. I was so anxious and had a hard time sleeping because of it. I wondered if this was a 'paradoxical reaction'.

Had dr. appt., took me off Organic 15, tested bad for it (again after testing good last week)
*gave me a B vitamin to take 2 pills every hour and let him know how I feel tomorrow.

Had a terrible afternoon, felt about as bad as I have since this all started.

Better now (7:30 pm) Family is gone to Costco. The quiet is nice, but I miss them.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Saturday, August 22, 2009 (update)

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Spent most of the day on the computer which must mean I am better because a week ago I could care a less if I ever saw a computer again.

Still weak and fatigued and unable to go about life as normal, though I did make mayo for our dinner. But I did end up crying over something that didn't go right in the kitchen;-)

Had a meltdown at night. Crying over the weight gain, how long it will take to get better and questioning if we have the right doctor. It actually was a panic/anxiety attack. They are very strange in the way that I (my mind) knows that it is irrational and unreasonable, and I know that God is in control and orders my every step. Yet, my body just takes over and gets out of control. I can't catch my breath and if I don't talk myself down I fear I am going to pass out from hyperventilation.

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Explaining the Name of the Blog

I chose this name for my blog, He makes me lie down . . . a journey of healing because, in part, I feel the Lord has been "making me lie down" in one form or another for many years. I would have to say that He has my attention now.

I believe that part of the reasoning behind this adrenal fatigue is that I do not slow down. It seems like it has been part of the lessons He has been giving me for years. Whether it be slowing down to enjoy my children, only taking on what He has for me, ect.

For a long time my prayer and desire has been to have a calm and undisturbed mind and heart as described in Proverbs 14:30. I know that this verse, for me, answers how to have a strong body as well as God's answer to the stresses of this world.

We hear so much about stress and it's effect on our health. I feel as though the Lord has been showing me that if I have a calm and undisturbed mind and heart I won't be stressed.

Sounds so easy, doesn't it? Not! It looks good on paper, but how to flesh this out every day?! How to run this household, disciple these children, love my husband, be a friend, a daughter, all this with a calm and undisturbed mind???

So, back to the name, I feel like this adrenal fatigue is God's way to 'make' me lie down. To quiet me long enough to hear what He has been saying, to answer my prayers and desires that my busyness and plowing through has made it hard to hear.

I have been crying out to Him even more than usual lately, not just because it is the only thing I can do ;-), but because I DO NOT want to be the same when this is all said and done! I want to be different. I want to slow down. I want to listen to His voice, not my own. I want to be completely surrendered to His will. Content and at peace with where He has me, not where I wish I was or doing what I want to do, but His will.

I cannot even begin to explain how so many of my desires and prayers are answered in what I believe He is showing me through all of this. He has stripped me of all ability to 'fight' Him anymore. Last Sunday while taking a nap I cried out to Him and said, "I'm done, I mean it, You win!" I felt as though He must of sighed and whispered, "finally."

Adrenal Resources

A couple of thoughts from all I have been reading on adrenal fatigue.

Any one of the incidents I mentioned in my last post can cause adrenal fatigue.

Surely, what has happened to me in the last 5-6 weeks has set me on a fast track to reaching Adrenal Exhaustion.

Here are a couple of websites that I found helpful explaining the symptoms of Adrenal Fatigue

30 Symptoms of Adrenal Fatigue

Adrenal Fatigue Center

A book that I bought a long time ago that I wish I had paid more attention to is called

Adrenal Fatigue: The 21st century stess syndrome

I do think this book is very helpful for informing you and the very early stages of adrenal fatigue. Please listen to what the man says before it is too late. I believe that the stage I am in is too late for self-directed care, but those in the early stages would probably greatly benefit from the information from this book. Extremely well written and easy to understand.

How It All Began

I decided to start this blog to journal this journey the Lord has me on toward healing. I have no idea if I will even have time or energy to post or even how often, but here goes.

I have Adrenal Fatigue, actually Adrenal Exhaustion (stage 3). This is probably the best description that I have found of Adrenal Exhaustion.

I will try not to bore you with my health history, but I feel it is important to share the details in the hope that other women might see themselves and seek treatment. My heart is for women, especially Mamas, to be informed and healthy. There is so much misinformation out there and I wish I knew 20 years ago what I know now.

I am 43 years old, extremely happily married and a mama to nine children here on earth as well as five in heaven.

Facts I believe have contributed to or caused my Adrenal Fatigue:

*eating according to the Standard American Diet (SAD) for most of my life.

*several babies and c-sections (while not taking care of myself nutritionally) I would NEVER blame having babies for the Lord for my sickness! It was how I took care of myself, not having the babies!!

*always 'pushing through' even against medical advice.

*in the year 2000, our family experienced a horrible trauma that continued on for about five or six years, and in all reality, continues on a smaller scale to this day. The extreme stress of those years took a significant toll on my body. I continued on with life as usual, what else could I do with several children and homeschooling?

*chronic pain for the last 10 years.

*unable to sleep more than 2-3 hours at a time

My doctor has been passively treating me for Adrenal Fatigue for several years now. Nothing real serious, just sort of keeping me going.

Something changed as of July 17, 2009.

After eating out the night before ( don't know if this is relevant, had horrible chicken) the following day I was very sick to my stomach and extremely weak. To the point of not being able to exercise, which is very unusual for me.

This nausea, weakness and dizziness continued on for about two weeks off and on. We wondered if it was an ectopic pregnancy. I finally had blood work done that really showed nothing.

Severe diarrhea started out of the blue and lasted for about 4 days. When I say severe, I mean 10-15 times a day, especially after I ate.

This left me very weak and dehydrated. The nausea and dizziness continued on.

Then major unexplained anxiety attacks as well extremely emotional. Crying at everything and nothing at the same time.

Four days later I went to my doctor and he gave me some natural supplements to support the apparent hormone issues as well as my adrenals. I actually went from bad to worse as the week went on.

I woke with a severe pain in my neck on Sunday, August 9, 2009. Monday I went to my doctor, he adjusted my neck and tested me for all the supplements I was on. My body was basically screaming NO to most of the supplements I was on, including the ones just a week earlier I tested strong on. This at first seemed odd, but now makes perfect sense as I see my body was shutting down and had a "paradoxical reaction" to the new supplements I was on.

The pain in my neck would not heal, I continued to be very emotional and anxious. It felt like I was inside my body, but I was somehow removed. I am sure it is some form of depression, but it is really wierd. For the first time in my life I simply could not push through. It was not because I didn't want to, but I just could not!

I am still very tired, weak and emotional.

I went to the doctors again a couple of days later, added some different supplements, adjusted my neck again.

For the next two days my dear sweet husband took me away to a hotel to rest and be away from the stress and my wonderful mother took care of the children while we were gone. I rested and slept and cried. After the first day my anxiousness settled down some.

When I came home I was able to have an enjoyable afternoon with the children and took a 2 hour nap, which was unusual for me, as I have only been able to sleep for 20-30 minutes at a time. My neck did start to feel better, finally. I did find out later that unexplained neck or upper back pain is part of this deal.

I also have begun to notice some hair loss, not handfuls by any stretch of the imagination, but way more than I ever do. I don't even lose hair postpartum.

Two other facts that may or may not be relevent are that I have, for the first time in my life, missed my period last month. I mean the first time that I was not pregnant. ;-)

Also, two days before all of this started I finished my second round of a Modified Simeons Diet that my doctor put me on to not only help me lose weight that I absolutely could not no matter how clean my diet has been for years and no matter how much I exercised, but to also heal my pituitary gland. (please don't ask about this diet as it is something him and a collegue of his came up with, it is not available from other doctors as far as I know)

While I one thousand percent trust the Lord lead me to do this, I do wonder if the rapid weight loss and strict diet, though very organic and healthful, in some way was too much stress for my body to handle.

During this exact time frame someone extremely close to me was going through some very significant marital problems and this began to affect me physically more than ever before. Also, God basically offered to 'give' us our dream of living on a farm in Kentucky. So, I don't know if all the stress involved with these two things played a part in this acceleration of my adrenal fatigue or not. Surely it couldn't have helped.

This is just the physical aspect of this journey. There is much more spiritual applications that I hope to share. I don't know about you, but with me and God it is never as simple as one dimension.