I Am Healed!!

If you are reading this blog or are a follower it is either because you love me, {{{thank you}}} and/or you are experiencing similar health issues.

I am not sure which direction this blog will take as I am sharing with you that I am HEALED!! The journey has been long and very hard, as many of you have experienced too. I don't think the journey is over yet, so perhaps the walk out of this healing is what I will be sharing.

Obviously, the work the Lord does in our lives is so multi-faceted and very personal. I say this because it is so hard to put it all into words. And, I know He has a unique plan for each of our lives. But, I do know, if you are a child of God, then wholeness is available for you.

I have heard, sat under and read so much on Divine Healing. I don't know if all of that is irrelevant or just were stepping stones to get to where I am now. When I first was told about this book I totally, and I mean totally blew the idea off. Like I said, I have read so much and I have countless books on healing lining my shelves.

I finally gave it a chance and ordered it. When I opened it up and began reading about the spiritual connection to upwards of 80 percent of all diseases, I was drawn in. When I began to read about my symptoms and the spiritual roots behind them, the light bulb went on and has only grown brighter!! All the puzzle pieces began to come together. So much finally made sense! God was giving me great wisdom and understanding.

We immediately set about getting me to Be In Health in Thomaston, GA. We could not pull it together due to care for all the children. I was crushed. We then decided to do the online program, For My Life and it was awesome! BTW, that turned out to be so much better, as the children were able to follow along and many were healed and set free also!! After reading A More Excellent Way and sitting under more than 32 hours of teaching, being prayed for and delivered, I can say that I am healed! I am slowly seeing my health come back. One little thing that happened today that was so cool was that my pulse was 70!! This is huge, even though it is small in the big scheme of things. Normally my pulse hovers around a very low 48, but today, 70! More than once, too!

I describe it to my husband this way. Imagine being all tied up, gagged and your head wrapped up so you could barely breathe. So, you can't move and are so bound. Now, imagine Someone comes along unties all the ropes, picks you up, removes the wrappings around your head. You can move unhindered, you can breathe! Imagine what that scenario would really feel like.

That is what it feels like to me!! I want to just scream sometimes, I feel so happy, so ME! I want to run outside and do some cartwheels. My strength is coming back. My eyes have been opened to the Truth! I have been set free from so many of the lies and thoughts that made me sick in the first place.

Please, trust me. Trust my heart. Trust what I have been through. Please pray and ask your Father, Who loves you so much, if you should get this book. It is only $16.49 on Amazon and you can get free shipping if you order $25 or more. I promise you, I really think you will not be sorry!! What could it hurt? Haven't you already spent hundreds, maybe thousands of dollars on trying to get well? What is $16 more?

Please email me or even let me know if you have questions and would like to talk on the phone. I would call you anytime.

I hope to share more of what the Truth has done to set this Mama and her whole family free!

Whom the Son sets free, shall be free indeed!

And

You will know the Truth and the Truth will set your free!!

Huge Crash! Update

Whew!!! Has this been a rough go of it! This particular 'crash' was as bad as it was in the beginning. This whole week the children have been at my Mom's or my friend's house. Praise the Lord! Brian was willing to take the week off if need be, but the Lord provided. It only adds to the stress for me if they are not well taken care of and well loved while I am sick.

The exhaustion was extreme! One of the days I could nothing but lie in bed and dose in and out. The other days I played around on the computer or watched some TV. Funny, I have always dreamed of having the house to myself, not quite what I had in mind. Oh, the things I would accomplish! Not so much this week. Brian reminded me that RESTING is indeed doing something! To stop feeling like I am doing nothing. I am giving my body a rest!

My most recent blood work came back today and it was sort of encouraging, I guess. I am still a little confused as to what it all means, but it does verify and validify some things and for that I am thankful. So much went on in the appointment that was in the middle of the afternoon (not my best time ;-) and I was so out of it. Brian tried to keep up, but some of it just goes over his head. I wish we had tape recorded so I could listen over and over.

My progesterone level is still way too low and I am increasing what I am taking.

I do have Epstein Barr. My doctor suspected that I am fighting something that is flying under the radar, as no matter what we do I can't seem to get on top of it. If all we were dealing with here was low functioning adrenals and thyroid and low progesterone levels I should be feeling somewhat better and not be crashing so severely for no apparent reason.

I also had a TPO test which tells you if you thyroid is attacking itself. I was so sure this would be normal (as I was sure I didn't have Epstein Barr, goes to show what I know) but it was 33 and the high end of the normal range is 34. So, we are not sure what this means, but it is interesting and will watch it.

I am also having all kinds of 'gut' issues and when I reminded him that this all started last July with some big tummy troubles a light bulb went off over him! I think, he thinks, I am riding some wave of infection that is putting a huge drain on my already exhausted glandular system. He said it is like trying to fill up the bathtub while the drain is open.

My blood work does NOT indicate any real food sensitivities or parasites, but it does show a compromised immune system. He gave me some really strong probiotics and is going to do things to support my immune system. He did tell me to be prepared for some pretty awful feeling from the possible 'die off' in my gut. I said, "define awful, because I can't imagine feeling much worse." He laughed and said I would know.

When I went haywire last week he told Brian to increase my adrenal supplement from 1 (one) a day to 3 (three) in the morning and 3(three) more at noon. As the week progressed I think that helped. This was a huge jump and goes to show how drained and not functioning they are.

On the spiritual side:
On Monday I was very discouraged and still holding on so tightly to healing. Trying to figure it out! Wrestling with God, Brian and my doctor, mostly in mind! ;-) The Lord so ministered to me that day through His word. I have had lots of time for 'quiet time' with Him, which has been wonderful! I believe He showed me once again how NOT surrendered and NOT trusting Him I was in this situation. He has shown me over and over. I think I get it only to be right back there again. I feel like He gives me some great revelation and I walk in it for awhile, then it is tested and I lose it all over again.

Something seems different this time. It feels like supernatural peace. I told Him that I couldn't release it, that I was afraid that if I didn't at least do my part and try to figure this out I might stay sick forever. I told Him I needed His grace, I couldn't do it anymore, I didn't know how to release it, I would need Him to do it for me. When I confessed that I realized how I was not trusting in Him but myself to make sure everything was taken care, something just released inside. I don't know if I am explaining it well, but it was huge!

I felt such peace at the doctors this Friday, so in God's hands, so not needing to figure everything out, so restful. That is probably why for the first time I don't really remember everything that went on, I was so in my Father's hands. The really cool thing?? The whole 'root' if you will, of all that is wrong with me is 'stress, anxiety and fear' based. Funny, huh?

He is bringing about healing and deliverance, I know He is! It is so much more than just a physical thing. As badly as I want to be healthy, I don't want to be physically healthy but spiritually sick. Do you know what I mean? I don't want all we have been through in the last nine months to be for nothing. I want to receive all He has for me spiritually too.

Update 3/31/10

I have had some pretty big crashes, BUT my hope is that they were simply PMS related versus being another adrenal crash! The week leading up to my period was very bad, emotional and I was physically exhausted like in the past.

It is like you can feel the energy just drain from every muscle! I also bled through day 4 which I think is an improvement. I have read several places that one of the idiosyncrasies with adrenal fatigue is that your flow completely stops on day 4. Weird, hug? Well mine always stopped on day 4. Not this time!

I started to feel better by Sunday, we actually had people over, which we haven't in more than 9 months, and I was fine. But, on Monday I completely collapsed, emotionally and physically. I don't know if I would have anyway or having company over was too much or it was a deviation in my diet??? Seems you can never tell with me.

I have been feeling like the Lord is leading me to 'amp' up my diet. Meaning be more intentional. I am thinking to add in liver (pray for me ;-) being even more strict with not even eating dried fruits, eating more beef, cooked long and slow and in some cases as rare as I can eat it. Also increasing raw veggies, which I do a lot of already. I am going to juice as well as green smoothies.

Actually, I have been juicing and love this combo, it is almost addicting!

A friend led me to this great and helpful blog called, Annie's Health Place. Hope it is helpful to you!

Kale or Spinach
Romaine
lemons
apple

So yummy! I drink about 16 oz a day. I don't seem to have room in my belly for all the good things I want to put in it. Since doing the juice thing I think I am craving more raw foods and cooked foods sort of gross me out. This happened when I first introduced green smoothies too.

I am walking 30 minutes every day, slowly, per my doctors instructions. I don't like the slowly part. I like to really hit it, really give it my all, push myself . . .hmmmm, maybe that's why I have adrenal fatigue ;-)

Update 3/20/10

Wow! It has been a long time since I have updated. I have been slowly getting better, but it was very rough again for awhile there.

I have been on the progesterone for about three weeks and I 'think' I am finally feeling the results. The emotions became more controllable. I became stronger and stronger each day. I have been back to working out slowly. And this week I was able to do the whole workout and actually felt strong like I used to. Well, not quite as strong, but so much better than I have been!

I have had some 'paradoxical' reactions to the progesterone that we now believe were caused from starting at to high of a dose. I began to retain fluids, my weight went up 3-5 pounds, which freaked me out, I was anxious and 'racy' and slept horribly! I finally read that those are paradoxical symptoms and that has brought some peace. The 'cure' is to just back off a little on the progesterone and slowly increase it.

As of right now we are not going to address my thyroid, any more than supplements, or my adrenals until we see how I do with the progesterone. I really think that once those levels come up my cortisol and thyroid numbers will come up too. I am hoping, anyway ;-)

I found this article called the Adrenal Fatigue Fix and thought it was helpful. I was happy to see that I am doing everything right with 'diet'.

I hope and pray you all are doing well and finding your way with your health struggles. I know it is so hard, but I also know that God has a plan that I need to learn and rest in. Praying you also find this rest.

Hope on the Horizon

I am still doing terribly, but I was encouraged by my doctor appt. this week. He went over my bloodwork and was very hopeful for a turn around with how I feel.

First, he said I was extremely healthy! Which is good I guess, but also frustrating because I feel so bad. But he meant, as a whole, I am healthy, just need some fine tuning. ;-)

My bloodwork showed very low levels of progesterone, low cortisol and my T3 and T4 are low. My testosterone is also low. It appears as though my FSH shows that I am in the early stages of perimenopause.

I have started progesterone cream and added a different thyroid supplement. We are going to see if this helps with the other things before we add something else in. Just what I love, taking it slowly ;-) If the progesterone doesn't help enough we will address possible hormone supplementation for my adrenals and some testosterone. I told him that I don't need any more hair on my chin or anymore anger issues. He laughed and said, ' don't worry, you will only have hair on your chest.' Cute.

He said that my poor pituitary and adrenal glands are struggling so hard to keep up and the progesterone might just provide the break they need. This made me cry, the thought of these very important glands trying so hard to do everything I need them to do but not having what they need to do it. I know, just a bit emotional. I guess I feel like I am struggling so hard just to keep up and the progesterone might just provide the support and break I need.

Still Not Great

I just read over my past posts to see when this recent downhill trend started. Around the first of February. So, going on three weeks.

This past week was probably the worst in the past three weeks. I needed the kids out of the house. Thank you to my dear friend Mary who had them all day Monday. Tuesday my son brought them to piano instead of piano teacher coming here. Wednesday I met my friend, Mary for coffee and a visit. I was exhausted and felt so lifeless. When I got home the children asked if I had a good time and all I could muster was, 'yes, I guess so.' I was immediately reminded of how 'dead' Christmas felt, so emotionless and passionless. Makes me sad, as I am a passionate, excited person, usually.

My dr. appt. was strange this week as he removed all of my B-vitamins from me because my body was testing so bad with them. He said my adrenals and pituitary need more support, but he only wants to adjust one thing at a time. Great, because I have all the time in the world to wait. Just kidding.

I had my blood work done and received my copy today in the mail. Very fast. Not much pops off the paper to me, then of course I am not a doctor, but I play one on TV. LOL My progesterone looks low and my cortisol looks low. My doctor is good at reading these as he sort of reads between the lines where as my medical doctor just looks at the numbers and prescribes anti-depressants and hormones! I can't wait to hear what my 'natural' doctor has to say. I really hope there is something we can do.

I am really discouraged, as I thought setbacks this big were behind me. So much of this feels like I did in Aug/Sept. though not quite as bad.

We shall see. God continues to speak volumes to me, giving me 'treasures in darkness' that I hope to one day be able to share with people. I wish I had the strength and time to type all He is showing me about my heart. Someday, Lord willing.

Not Doing So Great

Sorry I haven't updated lately, I am not doing so great. The last couple of weeks have been about survival again. Just this past week my doctor had to adjust my supplements again as my adrenals are functioning pretty low again. Also, I have had extremely severe blood sugar issues. On Thursday night I was actually contemplating going to the hospital (though I know there wasn't much they could do) because the hypoglycemic symptoms were so severe I actually wondered if I would wake up after falling asleep!

No worries though, as usual I slept horribly and was up doing to the bathroom about every hour ;-)

I need to eat every two hours (small amounts) and if I feel symptoms my doctor said I have waited too long. I can't wait for hunger anymore, it will be too late. I then chase the blood sugar the rest of the day only to never really catch it.

I just read my last update and see that yes, indeed I was right, my adrenals were tanking. I love when I am right and can read my body so well!

This does play into my fear of gaining weight some, but I know it is wrong thinking. I eat so little as it is, all this means is to divide it up and eat it every two hours. Even just a couple of bites of something. This is hard because I feel like I am always eating and always full which makes me feel like I will gain, but I need to trust God and let go of the illusion of control in one more area!

I do have some blood work ordered and can't wait to see what that has to say. I am sure progesterone is needed greatly and this will verify that! Also, the possibility of needing some thyroid supplementation, though that seems better for now. At least I am not freezing all the time, but my pulse is still very low as well as blood pressure.

Thyroid update

My thyroid continues to function slowly! My pulse is 48! Way low! My BP is 90s / 50s, very low. Temps still low. I thought my pulse was getting better, it was 52 for three days, but is back down again.

I continue to take the supplements my doctor has me on. He increased one of them this past week. I continue to exercise to my best ability. I love T-Tapp!!! At times I feel I am getting stronger.

My diet continues to be extremely clean, but very low in calories it seems. My doctor says this is fine as this is what my body needs right now and to now worry about not eating enough or getting enough nutrients.

My weight remains the same and even a pound or two less, which is nothing short of miraculous with hypothyroidism!! Praising God for that!

I do anywhere from 20-40 minutes of T-Tapp each day. (five days)

My daily diet?

1 Quart green smoothie (spread throughout day)
2 egg yolks/1 egg with about 1/2 cup butternut squash
Sunflower seeds (soaked and dried)
Some bites of fish, chicken or beef and some raw salad (cabbage this past week)
Small amount of meat and veggies at dinner
1/2 grapefruit and kombucha at night.

I continue to be concerned about raw cruciferous vegetables. I have read they are goitergenic which slows the absorption of iodine, I think. Our thyroid needs iodine. I am just not convinced I should not be eating these raw. I drives me batty that God created these for food!! I know there are tons of benefits to raw, like enzymes. So I continue to pray for wisdom and HIS leading for ME. I also make sure I rotate my greens.

For example:
M- Spinach
T- Romaine
W- Kale
Th- Red Leaf
F-Spinach
Sa- Escarole
Su. Romaine

I also feel like I crave salads right now, especially this cabbage salad. So, what do I do with that?

Shredded purple and green cabbage
poppy seed
shredded apple
vinegar, maple syrup (tiny amt.), olive oil,
S and P
Sunflower seeds on top

Wonderful!

Questions?

Mama Left and Now She Is Back!

Since my crash on Saturday I have not been well. The exhaustion returned. You know, not the just tired, but exhausted! Also, I stopped sleeping and a heaviness descended on me. It lasted about four days. I also was a time in my cycle, days 8-11 that are usually weird hormone type days. I also had a headache each of those days and spotted a bit, which tells me it is 'female' hormone related.

Today, like a switch, I was back! The weight lifted, no headaches and I slept better last night. Not great, but better.

It is so weird.

Saturday Night Crash

This past week was outrageously busy. With all the cooking and trying to keep everyone in green smoothies and not 'starving', I was constantly on the go. Through into that a few trips to the store for more produce and a doctor appointment, and it was busy!

I am so thankful that I was able to keep up, for the most part. It felt so good to be doing all the 'doing' that needed to be done. It has been months, six to be exact.

I should not have been surprised, when on Saturday night, shortly after dinner I utterly and completely crashed! Exhaustion like I have not felt in a long time filled every cell of my body. I was shocked by how quickly it came over me.

The emotions began to get out of control as the tiredness took hold of me. I began to cry for absolutely no reason other than EVERYTHING felt too big.

I showered, and cried. I got my snuggly clothes, and cried. We went downstairs for our 'date', and I cried. I cried because I love Brian so much. I cried because I was hungry and didn't know what to eat. I cried . . .well, for anything and everything! ;-)

I didn't sleep that well, but not horribly either. I awoke so tired again. I have sort of forgotten that this and worse is how I felt for months! Obviously I need to take it slower, if possible this week.

I need to remember to praise Him for the ALL I was able to do and also praise Him for calling my to rest! That is the hard part. Don't we just want to do and do once given the opportunity? This is a journey. I am still learning how to rest. Just when I think I am getting somewhere with it, I push and push!

It is okay to rest! It is okay to slow! We cannot do it all, nor does HE expect us to. Let's take the burden off of ourselves and joyfully do only what He allows us to!

For thus said the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel: In returning [to Me] and resting [in Me] you shall be saved; in quietness and in [trusting] confidence shall be your strength. . . (Is 30:15)

Thyroid Crashing

I went to the doctor again this week. I have noticed my resting heart rate is very low, in the 40s. Also, I feel like I am chasing my blood sugar a lot lately, even though I am eating very well. I simply cannot even fudge a little on waiting to eat. It has not been that bad in a long time.



I have also lowered my pituitary supplements, at his advice. He said to lower them slowly until we found the right amount. Well, I think we went a little too far, because the same sense of well being that came when I increased them left as I lowered them!



He had put me on some minor support for thyroid last time, but this time it is apparent that I needed something stronger, so he added a new thyroid supplement as well as increasing the pituitary supplements.



He said all the things I needed work on were pancreatic and endocrine, so it all made sense with the symptoms I was having.



I thought it might be beneficial to list all I take in the form of supplements, but I want to say that you simply cannot look at what one person takes and apply it to yourself! He muscle tests me for each and every supplement. When I was at my worst, he would test me for something that seemed great for me only to have me crash on two or three days later. (paradoxical reaction)



These are in no particular order.



Folate 5-plus (one a day)

Cytozyme PT/HPT (this is the pituitary support) (currently back up to 8 a day)

Gammonal Forte ( this goes with the PT/HPT) (currently back up to 8 a day)

Cytozyme AD (adrenal support) (3 a day)

Destress (2 in the morning and 2 at night)

Thyrostim (this is the first thyroid support he put me on)(three a day)

Glucobalance (this is just an all around great support) (3 a day)

Bio-Glycozyme (3 before bed)

Bio-D Mulsion (a great vitamin D) (2-6 drops daily)

GTA (recent addition) (one a day)

Optimal EFAs (six a day)

Iodine (6 drops, 2 times a day)



I also take a digestive enzyme with meals, when I remember ;-)

Occasionally I take Betaine with meals.



And, I cannot forget my beloved L-Tryptophan and Melatonin

Health Update

Still feeling pretty good! I have had a few MINOR crashes, but have handled some pretty busy, out of my control days.

I have been seeking the Lord on any changes to our/my diet. I have added green smoothies, just fruits and greens, for almost a week now. I think I might be feeling better from them. I think they are going to help in the 'elimination' area, if you know what I mean. I think things are still trying to balance out. I have been doing tons of reading on green smoothies and trying to incorporate more raw foods into our diet. I really don't think the Lord is leading me to a completely raw diet, as this conflicts with much of what He has shown me, but I do see great benefit to increasing the raw and possibly for a short healing season. I am walking with great caution though, because I don't want to undo all that has been done in the healing department.

Starting on Monday, January 11, 2010 our whole family will be doing a 28-day elimination diet in the hope of discovering some food allergies or sensitivities. It can be daunting, being in charge of healthfully feeding this crew and then throw in some health issues and it gets big in a hurry! Thank God I have Him and His wisdom to guide.

We, as a family have been praying about it and unless the Lord closes the door, we will start! Part of the 'fleece' was that it would all fall into place because we know that me being stressed or overwhelmed from it would mean a closed door. Well, He laid it all out for me and I am really excited to begin, I mean from the preparing department.

Lord willing, I will update if there is an interest.

This is the website that I am closely following. The Whole Life Nutrition Kitchen I bought their book months ago, love how the Lord prepares me, and we are following their elimination diet.

"Me" is coming back

I just wanted to quick post that since Wednesday of this past week I have felt a tremendous peace and joy! Now, it is not like it is when I am 'normal' but it is such a stark difference than how I have been feeling!

I love feeling like 'me'. I told you, I am happy, joyful, hopeful, excited, passionate. Oh, and the peace and quiet thing is a new thing for me. Wednesday I should have been pretty out of it considering the past two days events, but I wasn't. I woke up feeling hope and joy. I was able to have an unbelievable wonderful morning with the children. I spoke softly. I was patient. I was not 'bugged' by all the things that were not done, I just went about, enlisting help gently and we got things done.

The joy and hope has continued. I am so thankful! I know it is lots of GRACE, but I also wonder how much the adding back in of the tryptophan was a factor. I don't care, it just feels good to feel good!!

Wouldn't it be great of 2010 was the year of the "return of me"? I don't mean like self, or that there is anything wonderful about 'me', I just mean to feel like the 'me' God created!

Praising God for His mercy and goodness, in the valleys and on the mountaintops.

December 10, 2009 Update

Wow! It has been a long time! Many are asking, so I thought I would update.

First of all, let me say that I have never been more in love with Christ as I have these past few months. I thought I loved Him passionately and knew Him well. My love for Him has only grown deeper. He has carried me, loved me, spoken to me, lovingly chastised me, let me beat my fists on His breast, held me while I cried (a lot!)

I have this sense that I have so much to learn, but have also learned so much. I have been humbled and awed by this time of affliction. I am in awe of Him and His mercy. I am in awe of the depth of my depravity apart from His grace (which I am glad is not my burden to bear ;-) I am receiving a deeper lesson into His grace, who I am in Him, but even more of Whom it is that is IN ME!

Oh, I love Him so . . .

More love to Thee, O Christ, more love to Thee!
Hear Thou the prayer I make on bended knee.
This is my earnest plea: More love, O Christ, to Thee;
More love to Thee, more love to Thee!

Once earthly joy I craved, sought peace and rest;
Now Thee alone I seek, give what is best.
This all my prayer shall be: More love, O Christ to Thee;
More love to Thee, more love to Thee!

Let sorrow do its work, come grief or pain;
Sweet are Thy messengers, sweet their refrain,
When they can sing with me: More love, O Christ, to Thee;
More love to Thee, more love to Thee!

Then shall my latest breath whisper Thy praise;
This be the parting cry my heart shall raise;
This still its prayer shall be: More love, O Christ to Thee;
More love to Thee, more love to Thee!

Okay, now the physical ;-)

I am doing better, especially when you compare to where I was. It is hard to see when you look at the day-to-day, but when you look at the big picture, it looks way better. I am stronger, have more stamina, cry way, way less, am slightly more rational (some may question that one). I have been making almost all of our dinners, and most lunches. The ability to think and figure things out like the old me is slowly coming back, but very slowly. It doesn't take much to overwhelm me if I have to figure something out. Brian still does most of thinking around here, which is probably good! I was even able to add in our morning devotion circle time this week. I have been exercising again since November first. Sometime I am going to have to tell you how much T-Tapp has done for me since February, but not now. It is slow going, and I need to continually remind myself that I am working at restoring and rebuilding not going all out like a crazy woman, like in the past!

I listen to my body more and am much more gentle with myself.

I am still on the same supplements, nothing more except some pituitary support has been needed, which is a blessing. I am praying about slowly backing off of my doctor appointments as the Lord has been revisiting Divine Healing with me and relying on Him for my health. I will do so prayerfully and only as I feel led of the Spirit. One thought that sticks in my 'craw' is that we have had to 100 percent go into debt to pay for my medical care this year as none of the appointments or supplements are covered by the excellent insurance we pay an arm and a leg for ;-) If seeking medical help is from God, wouldn't He supply for it?? Or, maybe the banks generosity in loaning us money is His provision, something sounds fishy about that one. (Not looking for answers on this, I know God will lead and provide, just thinking out loud) I also know that I was so bad and was not led in any other way, so I am not fretting over this, again, just thinking.

Oh, and I have noticed that I am happier! This is huge, because I really am a happy, thankful person, it just hasn't showed much the last five months. Oh, my, it is one week short of FIVE months that this has been going on. No wonder it seems so wearisome. A couple of days this week I almost felt 'hyper' on the inside, in a good way. I think it was just a sense of well being that I have not had in a long time. I still crash, though not as hard or as frequently. I am still not sleeping well and have totally given that up to God, only He can make it happen as far as I am concerned. I have tried everything I know.

I have lost most of the extra weight that came on fiercely in the past six weeks. My doctor attributes that to my pituitary and thyroid 'tanking'. The weight shouldn't have been that big of a deal, but the Lord did indeed use it to bring up some serious issues in my mind and heart that needed to be dealt with and healed. Man, am I a work in process or what? I know, I know, we all are.

I am telling you, this was/is a huge thing He has brought (is bringing) me through. I marvel at how much is being dealt with. Obviously, He is not about wasting anything! ;-)

So, that sums it up, I think. If any of you who are struggling with adrenal issues I would be glad to answer specific questions. I can only share my experience, I am not expert. Please feel free to contact me, I have the utmost of compassion for your struggles, trust me ;-)

I cannot thank you enough for all your prayers and support! I am overwhelmed with the love from the Body of Christ. Thank you, thank you, thank you! If I could, I would hug you all and give you a fresh baked loaf of bread that I was allowed to bake today!! Really, I would!

Update 10/27/09

I went to the doctor yesterday and was a little discouraged that my adrenals have seemingly taken a step backwards. I am thankful that the 'symptoms' aren't any worse, but my body is definitely not handling things well.

Also, some spiritual things came up. He was taking my blood pressure in hopes to find out something about my inability to sleep well and it just kept going lower and lower. He was waiting for it to bottom out. A certain topic (that I will certainly share as the Lord reveals more to me) came up and while I was laying there my blood pressure went way up! I did not 'feel' upset, but my body was responding in a negative way. Once again confirming that even when we don't 'feel' stress our body is still be stressed out! He pointed out that there is something to deal with there. I am anxious to see what it is.

He has me not taking naps, which is not good for someone with adrenal fatigue, because SLEEP is what you need for your body to heal. I am not sleeping well at night still and he hopes to MAKE my body sleep by not letting it sleep during the day.

It is not working, yet. I am sleeping worse at night and am actually having some type of anxiety symptoms as I am trying to sleep. Not ones that I think in my head, but my heart races a bit. These I think are once again "paradoxical reactions" like I experienced early in this illness. My body desperately needs rest, but responds the exact opposite way! I have taken a few short naps as I am exhausted.

I continue to marvel at the spiritual aspect of this, and most of that I share on my other blog, She Looketh Well.

Update 10/16/09

It has been a long time since I updated and a lot has happened. The first week in October was a horrible week as far as the depression goes. Brian was very concerned and very weary. He called my friend and mom for prayer and was having a hard time holding back the tears. I think my hormones were all over the place as we now know that my baby probably died that week. Here is the post about our miscarriage.

Sad News . . .
Last Thursday (10/8/09), in about a 2 1/2 hour time frame, we found out that I was 10-12 weeks pregnant, that the baby had died, and I delivered him/her. It was quite shocking to us and we were, and are at times stunned.

I was spotting off and on for about a week and a half, which we thought was my cycle starting up again, as they had stopped in the middle of this adrenal exhaustion, or so we thought. I did take a pregnancy test in August, which was negative. According to how far along I was, it should have been positive. (I have never had a false negative pregnancy test, and I have taken a ton ;-)

Thursday morning I was on my way to the grocery store when I had a strong urge to go to the bathroom. (We also thought I had been dealing with a bladder infection during this time) I went and was still uncomfortable, but proceeded with what I needed to get. About 4 aisles over, the pain, which felt like my bladder, got pretty bad and I thought I should probably go home. At that time, I felt a huge pop and preceded to bleed everywhere. For some reason I thought maybe I passed a kidney stone, which I supposedly have. I made a beeline for the back bathroom, leaving a trail behind me. Not one of the more glorious moments of being a woman. ;-)

I was able to have cellphone reception, (which is usually sketchy, at best, in this store) and called my dear husband. He came and bought me pads and underwear. Thank God I had a skirt on, pants would have been a nightmare. We left the store after several trips back to the bathroom, as I was bleeding profusely.

On the way home, it hit me that the 'pop' I felt was just like what I felt with my 7th child, the only other one with whom my water broke. And then I realized that the 'blood trail' looked watered down. The shock of realizing that I must have been pregnant was, well, shocking.
We got home and because the bleeding was so bad, we called my midwife, who instructed us to come in and she would check me and run some tests. When we got there, she examined me and found that the baby had already started to deliver, she just helped it along. She cried with us. She has been such a big part of the birth of our last five baby's births.

After some blood work, we went home to rest. As I lie there trying to rest with my mind swirling with prayers and questions, one thing welled up in my heart so big. I believe this baby was a gift from God. I also believe He gave me the gift of joy that afternoon. You see, I realized that each and every pregnancy in the past was greatly rejoiced over and I was determined, by His grace, that this was not going to be any different! I chose right then and there to rejoice over this precious little one, even though this baby had died. I rejoiced in the fact that God chose me to carry this little one, if only for a short time. I believe this joy was a gift from Him, there is no way a women in my condition physically and emotionally could do that in her own strength, trust me. He is so amazing and kind to give joy to a confused and grieving mama. I guess you can truly say that He has 'made me a joyful mother of children'. I am humbled and marvel at His love for me.

Even now as I type this out it seems so unbelievable to me. How does a woman who has been pregnant 14 times previous to this not know she was pregnant? The negative pregnancy test and the extreme extenuating health circumstances played a huge part, I know. We also believe, for some reason, I was not meant to know about this until that day. Where we don't understand, we can only trust.
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Sept. 20-26

The beginning of the week was okay, not great but I didn't have too many major crashes. We are trying to find ways to get the kids out or me out as I still cannot handle a normal days stress.

I am still exhausted and the depression and emotional aspect is very huge right now.

From Thursday on I was extremely emotional. Crying off and on all day, sometimes for no reason at all. I did 'spot' on Friday and it continues on mildly. I wonder if the extreme emotions are my due to my period possibly coming back. It stopped when I crashed, I believe it was part of my body shutting down. I have said that when it comes back I will feel like it is a sign of things getting better. I hope I am accurate on that.

My doctor gets back from a three week vacation on Monday, I have an appointment at 10:15. My mind wants to swim with things to tell him and things to 'make' him give me. I sense this is wrong and feel the Lord telling me to trust Him. To trust my care to God and He will order my and my doctors steps. This very hard for me. I want to feel better so badly. I am getting very weary.

I feel so lost, with life. I can't mother, hardly at all. I can't do much around the house. I am a mess for Brian at all times. I feel lost and alone even though Brian is so supportive and I have eight other bodies around me all day. I miss doing school, I miss being productive. I miss being me. I sometimes wonder if 'I' will ever come back. Even if we get this adrenal fatigue healing, will I now struggle with hormone issues, perimenopause ect. I do long to have another baby or babies, twin girls ;-)

Sept. 13-19

I was very excited to have two good days of no crying, Sunday and Monday. But then I came crashing down on Tuesday. It was a horrible day, emotionally. The week was about the same, full of ups and downs.



Saturday, I woke up feeling somewhat better than I have and was able to do some organizing and cleaning with the rest of the gang. At 11:00 am we were about to head downstairs, I stopped as I felt something not right inside of me, dear husband noticed and said when we get downstairs you are going to SIT!

Well, we went downstairs and within minutes I hit a wall! I mean slammed right into it, not literally, mind you. It is the weirdest feeling. Nothing in me was able to push through and immediately the tears start. I am not sure if the tears are part of the physical exhaustion or the reality that I can't do what I want to do. Probably both.

My dear husband says, 'this is enough, we should have saw this coming, off to bed for you!' He tucked me in and I slept soundly for about two hours.

Pretty discouraged that I am not seeing any improvement.

Sept. 6-12, 2009

This started out to be a good week, continuing on with the upswing of last week, but then our water went out and the kids got sick and the baby was miserable.

Apparently, even though I tried to stay detached and remain calm all these things really affected my body. I had 3-4 really bad days as far as anxiety went. I even resorted to a xanax.

I am encouraged though by what the Lord is doing through all of this.

At the beginning of the week I was meditating on the mind/body connection to all of this. How we are stressed without even knowing it, often times. In one of my devotional times I felt the Lord led me through one scripture after another about the mind/body connection. I laughed as I thought about how science thinks they came up with this, but God wrote about it years and years ago!

August 30 - Sept. 5, 2009

Things started to turn around this week. I can tell I am feeling better. I am still very sick, and will be for a long time, but I can tell I am getting better.

What is hard about this stage is that when you crash, you really feel it because you actually felt pretty good before you crash. Unlike a couple of weeks ago you just felt awful and there were so many crashes that they didn't seem that big of a deal.

Dr. Lietz is gone for three weeks now and has me set to just sort of coast while he is gone. He doesn't want to change much of anything so as to not push me too hard.

6 ADHS
3 PT/HTP
3 Gammonal forte
1 Bio B3G every hour (not really happening, just when I remember)