December 10, 2009 Update

Wow! It has been a long time! Many are asking, so I thought I would update.

First of all, let me say that I have never been more in love with Christ as I have these past few months. I thought I loved Him passionately and knew Him well. My love for Him has only grown deeper. He has carried me, loved me, spoken to me, lovingly chastised me, let me beat my fists on His breast, held me while I cried (a lot!)

I have this sense that I have so much to learn, but have also learned so much. I have been humbled and awed by this time of affliction. I am in awe of Him and His mercy. I am in awe of the depth of my depravity apart from His grace (which I am glad is not my burden to bear ;-) I am receiving a deeper lesson into His grace, who I am in Him, but even more of Whom it is that is IN ME!

Oh, I love Him so . . .

More love to Thee, O Christ, more love to Thee!
Hear Thou the prayer I make on bended knee.
This is my earnest plea: More love, O Christ, to Thee;
More love to Thee, more love to Thee!

Once earthly joy I craved, sought peace and rest;
Now Thee alone I seek, give what is best.
This all my prayer shall be: More love, O Christ to Thee;
More love to Thee, more love to Thee!

Let sorrow do its work, come grief or pain;
Sweet are Thy messengers, sweet their refrain,
When they can sing with me: More love, O Christ, to Thee;
More love to Thee, more love to Thee!

Then shall my latest breath whisper Thy praise;
This be the parting cry my heart shall raise;
This still its prayer shall be: More love, O Christ to Thee;
More love to Thee, more love to Thee!

Okay, now the physical ;-)

I am doing better, especially when you compare to where I was. It is hard to see when you look at the day-to-day, but when you look at the big picture, it looks way better. I am stronger, have more stamina, cry way, way less, am slightly more rational (some may question that one). I have been making almost all of our dinners, and most lunches. The ability to think and figure things out like the old me is slowly coming back, but very slowly. It doesn't take much to overwhelm me if I have to figure something out. Brian still does most of thinking around here, which is probably good! I was even able to add in our morning devotion circle time this week. I have been exercising again since November first. Sometime I am going to have to tell you how much T-Tapp has done for me since February, but not now. It is slow going, and I need to continually remind myself that I am working at restoring and rebuilding not going all out like a crazy woman, like in the past!

I listen to my body more and am much more gentle with myself.

I am still on the same supplements, nothing more except some pituitary support has been needed, which is a blessing. I am praying about slowly backing off of my doctor appointments as the Lord has been revisiting Divine Healing with me and relying on Him for my health. I will do so prayerfully and only as I feel led of the Spirit. One thought that sticks in my 'craw' is that we have had to 100 percent go into debt to pay for my medical care this year as none of the appointments or supplements are covered by the excellent insurance we pay an arm and a leg for ;-) If seeking medical help is from God, wouldn't He supply for it?? Or, maybe the banks generosity in loaning us money is His provision, something sounds fishy about that one. (Not looking for answers on this, I know God will lead and provide, just thinking out loud) I also know that I was so bad and was not led in any other way, so I am not fretting over this, again, just thinking.

Oh, and I have noticed that I am happier! This is huge, because I really am a happy, thankful person, it just hasn't showed much the last five months. Oh, my, it is one week short of FIVE months that this has been going on. No wonder it seems so wearisome. A couple of days this week I almost felt 'hyper' on the inside, in a good way. I think it was just a sense of well being that I have not had in a long time. I still crash, though not as hard or as frequently. I am still not sleeping well and have totally given that up to God, only He can make it happen as far as I am concerned. I have tried everything I know.

I have lost most of the extra weight that came on fiercely in the past six weeks. My doctor attributes that to my pituitary and thyroid 'tanking'. The weight shouldn't have been that big of a deal, but the Lord did indeed use it to bring up some serious issues in my mind and heart that needed to be dealt with and healed. Man, am I a work in process or what? I know, I know, we all are.

I am telling you, this was/is a huge thing He has brought (is bringing) me through. I marvel at how much is being dealt with. Obviously, He is not about wasting anything! ;-)

So, that sums it up, I think. If any of you who are struggling with adrenal issues I would be glad to answer specific questions. I can only share my experience, I am not expert. Please feel free to contact me, I have the utmost of compassion for your struggles, trust me ;-)

I cannot thank you enough for all your prayers and support! I am overwhelmed with the love from the Body of Christ. Thank you, thank you, thank you! If I could, I would hug you all and give you a fresh baked loaf of bread that I was allowed to bake today!! Really, I would!